


Christmas In New York

by 1lostone



Category: Ugly Betty
Genre: Body-switching, Christmas Themes, Coming Out, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluffy, Humor, Mutual Pining, Orig posted in 2008, Pining, Santa shenanigans, cracktastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 21:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17394359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/pseuds/1lostone
Summary: Santa was in deep reindeer-poo. You could tell.(originally posted in  25 December 2008 in the daniel_betty comm on livejournal.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (check out these notes, lol.) 
> 
> Rating: **F** for… Fluff (Possibly **C** for Crack!fic) Along with **G** for Goofy and **S** for Silly…Oh, and **P** for Point-of-view switching.(The actual rating- I would say something between a strong PG-13 and PG.)  
> Disclaimer: I disclaim. I'm just borrowing for nefarious deeds. **[redacted :D]**  
>  Pairing: Detty, Santa/Mrs. Claus  
> Spoilers: Probably  
> Written for the[info]daniel_betty livejournal advent calendar. Day 25- Merry Christmas!  
> Status: Almost complete, one-shot. Part II will be posted after the New Year.

* * *

* * *

 

Santa was in deep reindeer-poo. You could tell.

Whenever he did something that the Missus just couldn’t forgive, things got rather frosty…. even for the North Pole. Christmas cookies were served…. Frostingless. Egg nog was ice cold… but  _without_  nutmeg. Reindeer made themselves scarce and Elves were downright spooky- tiptoeing around the work area with the jingle bells on their shoes muffled, afraid to make too happy of a sound.

Santa spent more time in the workshop and very little time at the homestead- well there wasn’t much point, was there? The couch was particularly pointy and known far and wide for being narrow. (At least narrow enough that Santa couldn’t hope to sleep comfortably on it.)

The problem had started several years earlier. As a 1,893th wedding anniversary present, Santa had decided to gift his beloved with … love. Not his love, which she knew she had unreservedly, but….

Mortal love.

Santa had picked a couple at random. Sometimes on the Naughty list, sometimes on the Nice list, but always suffering from some sort of unrequited love. Taking a page out of Oberon’s book, he would play some little trick on them that would force them to realize that they couldn’t live without each other, and then let Mrs. Claus in on who the couple was- she had recently discovered something called reality television and loved to watch the two mortals fall in love.

Well this year… Santa had _forgotten_.

It had been a rough year. And he  _was_  over two thousand years old, after all. Sometimes the mind… slips. There had been a union issue- the FFOoER (First Fraternal Order of Elvish Rights) had been up in arms over benefits again-, Comet and Donner had come down with a vicious case of mange, and there had been reports of Global Warming causing yet more North Pole shrinkage- something that always caused every male in hearing range to wince sympathetically. Santa had been somewhat frazzled of late.

He sighed. Well, there was nothing for it. He would have to do his best this year. Find two someones that are really clueless. Two people who were absolutely in love with each other- and had no idea.

Santa called in a few favors to made sure that the Mortalview 3000 was working. It was a marvelous bit of technology that the Tooth Fairy used to help pinpoint children who had lost a tooth. It had a touch LED screen and worked with something called Google Earth. Fantastic, toy, that. Joe-Bob (The tooth fairy) had done something that allowed the Missus to watch the couple to her heart’s content, and her reality television addiction was fed- well, at least until _American Idol_ aired in January.

Santa sighed again and looked through his list. There was a girl… someone that had pulled at his heartstrings many years ago. She still wrote him, even through adulthood. Always asking for something for her father, her mother and sister. Then later… just her father and sister and nephew. And lately, someone called Daniel. Frequently she had only asked for their heart’s desire or a small favor for them for Christmas. She had never asked for anything for herself in all the years she had written him. Santa leaned back a little in his chair and stroked his beard.

**Suarez, Betty. Nice. 24 years in a row.**

Maybe it was time to give the girl her own heart’s desire. And just maybe, she and this Meade character ( **Meade, Daniel. Nice 10- Naughty 24** ) were due for their own little Christmas miracle.

* * *

* * *

 

**Daniel**

Daniel swam up out of sleep slowly. He was horribly hung over from last night’s MODE Annual Holiday party. Betty had, with her customary efficiency, organized the entire thing with very little problems. Getting into the Holiday spirit had been almost no problem with all of the money they had available- the party of course being a huge tax write-off- a fact that made Connor fairly dance with glee.

Daniel yawned, and stretched his leg out to the left. It wasn’t surprising that he touched the warm flesh of another person. He couldn’t for the life of him remember _who_  it was particularly that he had ended up with, but was used enough to waking up with another person that he took it in stride. He smacked his lips together and stretched. His mind was foggy, and his head was spinning just enough that he was fairly certain that he was still drunk from the night before. His stomach was queasy, and his breath was... well. Not particularly attractive.

He idly ran his toes up and down the calf of Whoever-it-was that he had spent the night with, enjoying the way that the sparse leg hair felt on his toes. There was something completely sensual about feeling the hard muscle and the springy hair against the sensitive pad of his big toe.

He yawned again and ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth. The braces felt extremely weird, but the red piece of flesh seemed to have a memory of where not to touch so no wire would snag on the side of his tongue.

Wait.

Waaa—ait.

_Hairy leg??? Braces????_

Daniel sprung up out of bed as if someone had just bit him on the butt. He was immediately off balance, and rolled off of the mattress, falling onto the floor and taking the bedcovers with him. Long hair fell into his face and his vision, which was blurry and out of focus. He shrieked…..

…and it was a high-pitched, female sound.

“AAAAAAHHHH-IIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”

Daniel was too stunned to move as he saw the person who had been sleeping next to him sit straight up in bed. His jaw fell open. He squinted up, unable to believe what he was seeing.

Himself.

Hair sleep-tousled, naked-chested, drool on one corner of his mouth. Face all red from pressing it into the pillow. Sleepy blue eyes, turning more and more horrified, widening, staring over to where he sat. Same small scar where he had had his appendix out when he was thirteen.

“Wh-wh-wh?” Daniel saw the “him” on the bed gaping over to where he sat like a fish, seemingly unable to make his words come out.

Daniel couldn’t understand what was happening. He pushed himself up onto his knees, trying to finagle his wild hair out of his face enough that he could at least see. He squinted at the person…?... Alien?... Pod Person?... on the bed tried to get them to come into focus. It didn’t happen. His eyesight was horribly poor whenever he focused onto anything close to him- the edge of the bed, the mess of bedcovers on the floor. He reached up onto the nightstand nearest to him and felt for what he somehow knew would be there.

Well, that made a strange sort of sense. This was either a dream or some weird psychotic episode, and knowing that there was a folded, red pair of glasses near the lamp was  _obviously_ all part of this episode, or dream, or whatever it was.

He put them on with shaking hands, and blinked as everything came into focus. The Daniel on the bed had pushed up against the headboard, with his arms looped around his folded knees, folded in on himself as if he wanted to put as much space between his body and the figure on the floor as he could.

His gaze was caught by a flash of a reflection in the mirror that was set onto the wall near the bedroom door. The mirror was antique-looking. The oval reflective surface was framed by a golden frame. It looked like something out of a Disney film.

But his gaze was caught by something to bizarre, something so strange that his mind was moving slower than his hands, not registering what was happening.

He had breasts.

He could feel them of course, causing him to swing forward, gravity pulling him toward the floor. He could tell that he was naked under the thin cotton shirt, and the feeling of the cloth against him made him shiver. He was so sensitive. Daniel brought his hands up to his breasts, cupping them like a lover would…. And his brain kicked in, registering what his startled eyes had seen.

His hands were cupping…. Betty’s breasts. Only… his hands weren’t strong and lightly dusted with hair on the knuckles. They were petite, delicate, with short, efficient nails covered with a clear coat of nail polish. No bitten cuticles or slightly chipped nails here.

He removed his hands (almost) immediately, whirling his head so that looked at the Daniel on the bed.

“Daniel?” The “him” on the bed sounded confused (which made sense) and horrified (which really made sense.) It was strange to hear his deeper voice sounding so strange and unsure.

“B-B-B-etty?” He stuttered back. He immediately pinched the corner of his arm to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming. It hurt! Of course, if he were insane then he would imagine that it was hurting so that he didn’t suspect that it was really fake-hurting and therefore making him not sane….

…. Actually his head did kinda hurt.

The him on the bed… wait. That was getting confusing. How about… PodPerson!Daniel? No…. He couldn’t call Betty that in his head. Whatever the hell was happening couldn’t be her fault.

Daniel-as-Betty got up shakily and made his way up back to the bed. As he was walking towards the bed, his gaze was caught by an intricately rolled scroll poking out of a velvet bag. The crimson bag looked like an antique and seemed to have little golden threads sewn in it so that it shimmered in the early morning light. The scroll was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. It didn’t look like a plain piece of paper. It too was antique-looking, with the writing a shimmery black calligraphy that had a strange way of almost looking like it wasn’t a part of the actual scroll.

“What’s this?” His curiosity was so strong that it drove the absolute, bizarre strangeness of the last ten minutes out of his head. “Is this yours?”

* * *

* * *

 

**Betty**

She had a splitting headache. She’d been hung-over several times in her life, but this seemed to take the cake. Plus, she felt lightheaded. When she heard the feminine shriek, she didn’t think too much about it, knowing that it was probably Hilda or Amanda seeing a mouse or a bug or something. But when she opened her eyes….

… well she immediately wished that she hadn’t. In fact, if she never opened her eyes again, that would be okay too. It was just too damn weird. She saw herself. Freaking out, screaming, and…. Well… feeling herself up was beyond weird, but she could deal with it. With all the crazy-ass things that had happened since she had woken up, that seemed fairly tame.

Especially since she.. erm. Had Another Problem.

Betty hadn’t moved from the bed- she had been way to embarrassed to even draw attention to herself, instead content enough to watch her.. er…Daniel walking around the room, dazed.

“Is this yours?” He asked, Hearing him use her voice did even stranger things to her body. It was her voice, but it still  _sounded_  like him.. the same inflections and patterns to the words.

“Um.. what?” She asked in Daniel’s voice. It was rough, sleepy, and sounded incredible. Not that she was noticing. Because she wouldn’t notice that. Daniel was her  _boss._  Her  _friend._  Okay so maybe she would, but honestly she had more pressing concerns at the moment. She watched Daniel-as-Betty unroll the scroll, shifting uncomfortably under the covers. While he was reading, she tried a surreptitious peek under the blanket. Yep. It was still there. How the in the ever-loving hell did men manage to do anything in the morning with those things flopping around? She felt like she was pointing to magnetic north or something. If she went out in the sunlight she could double as a sun-dial, for Pete’s sake.

“Oh. My. God.” Hearing her voice sounding both that shocked and that freaked out diverted Betty from her other… issue.

“What?”

“I don’t know what’s happening! I remember parts of the party, and that you let me crash here to sleep it off when Amanda went home with that guy from the art department, and then I woke up like… THIS…. And … I don’t know if this is some kind of joke or not or what but I have to be at your FATHER’S in three hours and  _I HAVE BREASTS_  and holy shit I think I’m having a heart attack.” Daniel-as-Betty took a deep breath, placing one hand over his heart. He winced at the flesh he found there and moved his hand away as if he had been burned. He was brandishing the scroll at Betty-as-Daniel like a sword. “Well? Get over here! We both have to read this at the same time for this to work.”

“Um… I can’t.”

That startled Daniel-as-Betty long enough to make him pause his rant. Betty felt herself start to blush. She felt like she was radiating actual heat. She was, to be quite honest, amazed that she had any blood left in her body to think with being as it was that it all seemed to be going of to particular…. specific places.

“What do you  _mean_  you  _can’t_?” Daniel-as-Betty tried to cross his arms over her chest, but he found it much more awkward than usual, so he settled for placing his hands on his hips.

“Er…” Betty wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m too embarrassed to even think of you with an erection” or “Listen you perverted, sex-addicted freak, you better tell me how to get this damn thing to go away before I even move towards you” but neither would come out of her mouth.

And watching Daniel-as-Betty flip his no…  _her_  hair over his… no  _her_ …shoulder was just too strange for words.

“I’m kinda wondering if I should just go back to sleep.”

“Look. Get over here. I know what to do, but we have to do it together.”

She glared. “No. I don’t want to get up. I told you… I can’t!”

Daniel-as-Betty stalked over to the bed and yanked off the covers. Betty-as-Daniel was so shocked that her first impulse was to cover herself, but then figured that Daniel had seen the whole show before.

“Oh.” Betty had never seen herself blush before. It really set off her braces nicely.

“And I have to pee. How do you expect me to pee with this…thing?” Betty-as-Daniel sprung up off of the bed and gestured wildly. The pair of boxer briefs she was wearing didn’t disguise anything.

“I um… usually have to er.. take care of it before I go. Or, uh… kind of bend down.” Daniel-as-Betty sounded mortified.

Betty-as-Daniel glared. “So I have to… _touch_  it?!”

* * *

* * *

 

**Daniel**

Daniel-as-Betty heaved a huge sigh of relief. It was a little too early in the morning to be discussing erections and the dispersal thereof. He looked around the small apartment. He could see where Amanda and Betty had divided where they stayed. Betty’s “area” was neat and clean. Amanda’s was just barely controlled chaos. There were lots of pictures of her and Marc on her side, and on Betty’s side were pictures of her family. Well, mostly. Daniel’s heart gave a funny little squirm when he saw that Betty had put a picture of him near one of her father dressed up as Uncle Sam.

He heard the toilet flush and had to give a little smirk. Good thing she had figured it out. He heard her washing her hands.

And washing her hands….

And washing her hands some more….

Roughly ten minutes later he was beginning to feel slightly irate. It wasn’t like his body was  _diseased_  after all.

He crossed over and sat on the bed. Daniel sighed and moved his hand to itch his nose. He was almost surprised to find the scroll still clutched in his hand.

Betty (finally!) finished washing her hands and came out of the bathroom. Daniel-as Betty looked up from the bed only to note that Betty—as-Daniel wasn’t really meeting his eyes. “Look. I don’t care what nefarious deeds you were up to- haha… up to, get it?... in the bathroom with my body. But you better have a seat and read this with me.” Daniel-as-Betty shook the scroll significantly and watched his body come and sit down beside him.

They unrolled the scroll and both heads tipped together to peer at it.

**_Christmas is a time for miracles, of this I know is true._ **

**_Your fondest wish, or deepest desire on this day will come to you._ **

**_Be sure to touch, and close your eyes, no peeking may you do_ **

**_‘Cuz if you do of course I’ll know. (I’ve been at this awhile too.)_ **

**_Please don’t fret, for your own good all that must be done_ **

**_I know if you give it a chance you may even find it fun_ **

**_By midnight must my task be complete, like Cindy at her ball_ **

**_Now hurry children, decide on what you wish to be…._ **

**_Do what you’re told; think really hard, before you lose the sun_ **

**_Or you may just find to your dismay you’ve left it up to me._ **

**_\------- S. Claus_ **

“WHAT?!” Daniel-as-Betty gaped at the words.

Betty-as-Daniel shook her head. “That’s the worst rhyming scheme I’ve ever seen. You would think Santa would be better with poetry.”

“Maybe he’s on a deadline.”

“Speaking of deadline, what is this deal with ‘be sure to touch and close your eyes….’” Betty-as Daniel tapped the finger of Daniel’s hand on the scroll. When she touched it she could feel a small jolt of electricity. Daniel-as-Betty could feel the small shiver he -as-Daniel got up and started to pace around the small bedroom.

“Okay.” Daniel-as-Betty ran his hand through his hair, momentarily off-put when the hair didn’t end like he had expected it to. Instead, his fingers went through the long, slightly tangled strands. It was enough that he was distracted. Betty really did have beautiful hair.

“Okay…?” Hearing his own voice goosed him into activity.

“Oh. Sorry. Let’s try to recap. I keep feeling like I’m missing something. It’s been a weird morning.” Watching himself roll his eyes and put his hands on his hips was weirdly bizarre; like he could  _see_  Betty shining through. “We woke up after a Christmas party, where we both had a bit too much to drink. I stayed here rather than go to my ridiculously comfortable apartment. Wait, now why did I do that again?”

Betty-as-Daniel stopped pacing for a minute. “Because your mother was having her house painted and needed somewhere to stay. In a misguided sense of Christmas giving, you gave her your apartment for the night because you suspected that she went home with someone and didn’t want the visual.”

Ugh. He still didn’t.

“Ah.. okay. Thanks. Okay so, I’m staying here, and we wake up and now we find that we seemed to have switched bodies.” Daniel-as-Betty thought he did a fairly good job of saying that casually, rather than like he felt he needed to go to Bellevue.

“Yep.”

“So, we also find out who did this- it was Santa Claus. See? Now that’s where things get weird.”

“Really? So everything else makes perfect sense, huh?”

“Well, I don’t believe in Santa Claus.” Daniel-as-Betty sounded much like a pouty third-grader.

“DANIEL MEADE HOW CAN YOU NOT BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS???? IN CASE IT ESCAPED YOUR NOTICE, YOU ARE WEARING MY BREASTS!!!”

Daniel-as-Betty winced and held one finger to his ear. He certainly didn’t remember  _his_ voice being that screechy when he got excited.

Betty-as-Daniel snatched the scroll out of his hand. “Moron. Okay, Mr. Nonbeliever, this scroll basically says we have to wish our way out of this mess, and before midnight. Oh. My. God.” Betty-as-Daniel thought of something so shocking that she actually crinkled the paper of the scroll when she smacked herself on Daniel’s forehead.

“Oh. Now what?” Daniel-as-Betty asked resignedly.

“We’re supposed to eat at my Papi’s place tonight. Christmas Dinner. Your Mom. Justin handing out Christmas cookies. Hilda has a date. Your MOTHER will be there. I don’t think you can fool them into thinking you’re me. We have to get this figured out.”

“I could fool them if I had to.” Again, he sounded more like a pouty ten-year-old than a mature man… er.. woman of twenty-four.

“Oh, really?” Betty-as-Daniel looked unconvinced. “We were going to finish up shopping too. I don’t think I can do that as you. Actually, you  _do_  have a lot of credit cards……” She cocked his head and looked thoughtful. “But I keep getting distracted. Damn! Focus, Suarez. Okay… so we have to wish ourselves out of this? And touch while we do it? Well, then come here. Let’s get this show on the road!”

Daniel-as-Betty came over and joined hands with Betty-as-Daniel.

“Okay.. ready?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, hold my hands.”

“Like this?” she gave a quick squeeze.

“Yeah. That’s good. Okay… now concentrate.  _Concentrate_.”

“Okay…”

“Are your eyes shut?

“Yeah. Yours?”

“Yes. Now make your wish.”

“Okay, ready?”

“One…”

“Two….”

“THREE!”

 

_(A beat of silence.)_

 

“Did it work?”

“Well, gee, I don’t know. Stick your hands down your pants and see if anything is dangling.”

“I cant believe it didn’t work! Dammit! It’s your fault, I saw you! You peeked!”

“I did not!”

“Did  _too!”_

“No I didn’t! Plus, you don’t even believe in Santa! I can’t work under these conditions.” Betty-as-Daniel dropped Daniel-as-Betty’s hands and stalked off.

Daniel-as-Betty shook his head. Watching himself flounce off like a diva in snit made his eye twitch. Well, Betty’s eye twitch.

 

Or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have let this thing fade into the depths of internet obscurity, but oh well. Orig posting, aside from minor edits.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

* * *

**Betty**

 

She stood in front of her childhood home, shifting from Armani-clad leg to Armani-clad leg. She knew she looked like a 30ish version of a little kid having to go to the restroom, but she couldn’t help it. Ignoring all the beyond-weird shit that had happened today- today had been one of the most horrible days of her life. She had lost count of the number of times that she and Daniel had tried to wish themselves back into their real bodies.

It was depressing. A whole day of arguing with each other, pouty silences, and last-minute Christmas shopping. It had taken Daniel awhile to get dressed in something he “would be caught dead in.” It was infuriating. What business was it of his what clothes she wore anyway?

Then she had retaliated with making Daniel look like a drugged-out rejected OzFest roadie after a three day bender.

Maturity, after all was her forte.

The Christmas shopping she really didn’t want to ever think about again. If it weren’t for copious amounts of caffeine she might have killed the acrimonious little bastard. (Which would have been problematic since she would have really been offing herself.) ) _She_ had had her shopping done by August, and didn’t understand why Daniel couldn’t have planned ahead. Of course, being out and about she found more things that she thought people would enjoy. She had even put time in his planner for shopping! And what was it with men anyway? It was not socially acceptable to get a gift certificate for everyone you knew from Bed, Bath and Beyond and call it a day.

So fast forward it to now. It was 9:30 on Christmas Eve. She had thirteen more presents to wrap, she had to pee, and her stomach was so nervous that she didn’t think she could even handle her Papi’s cooking. Not that he would notice. She wasn’t his Betty. She was Daniel and he wouldn’t even  _know_ her.

“Are you ready?”

Betty-as-Daniel nodded. “I suppose.”

She saw Daniel-as-Betty physically brace himself and start to ring the doorbell.

“This is my house. You can just go in, you know.”

“Oh, yeah.”

She watched him open the winter door and walk inside.

“There’s my baby!”

Betty had to bite her lip to make herself not run towards her father at his words. If ever there was a moment that she needed her dad, needed his hugs and his common sense, now would be the time. But, she didn’t thing Ignacio would appreciate Daniel Meade throwing himself onto his lap and bawling his eyes out.

“I’m just going to go and wrap these. Betty, can I use your room?” She saw Daniel nod, as he was being squeezed by her dad and smiled something like a smile at them as a feeling of jealousy stabbed her like a knife. How were they going to get out of this? What were they going to  _do_?

“Hiya Daniel!”

“Oh, hey Justin.”

“What’s up?” She saw her nephew cock his head a little to the left and give her a puzzled look.

“Oh, I was just going to wrap up a couple of things.”

“Hey you want some help? I’ll totally act surprised. And I won’t even tell my mom. Promise!”

“All… alright” Betty forced a smile. Justin was used to seeing Daniel acting oddly, so he didn’t bat an eyelash.

They trooped up to Justin’s room.

“Um, By the way, I wondered if I could ask you um... some questions. Kind of man-to-man?”

Betty blinked. Man to Man? Her?

They made their way into Justin’s room, and Betty put the presents down onto his bed. There were already several different colors and styles of wrapping paper, ribbon, even colored tape. Betty smiled, looking at Justin affectionately.

“Oh? Is this for my Mom? Oh, my god, that’s  _Prada_. She is going to effing flip!!"

Betty fought to keep a grin off of Daniel’s face. Justin was such a sweet kid. “So, man-to-man?” Betty resisted the urge to deepen her voice.

Justin looked from the bag to Daniel’s face, sneaking a furtive peek up and back down to the bag. He started fiddling with the zip. “Welll…”

Betty wanted to hug him. He looked so lost for a moment. “You know you can tell me anything. But your Aunt… she is usually pretty good with feelings and stuff like that. She’s helped me out with a lot of stuff.” Truer words were never spoken. “You can tell her anything too.”

Justin smiled, a quick flash of white. “Yeah. Aunt Betty is terrific. But this is something… um. I would feel weird. But… okay. It’s just that… there’s this person. That I, uh… kind of… think that I.. sort of… like.”

Betty resisted the urge to awwwwww at him. “Okay…” she said instead.

“And they.. um, this person I mean… doesn’t know that I sort of go for them. Have you… ever.. um. Been in love? I mean, I know about all the manwhore stuff from tv, but I mean for real. Like the books and songs and movies and stuff-love.”

Betty froze. Her brain had flashed a few different memories, as memories often do… flash-flash-flash and you’re done. But to her shock, the first memory she saw was Daniel holding her while she cried over Amanda and Jesse. Then, Daniel’s sheepish grin after he was trying to apologize for some stupid thing he did. Betty’s heart started to pound. Usually, she kept all thoughts of that firmly squished down in her brain where they belonged. But now, at Justin’s rather sweet and innocent question, she couldn’t stop thinking of Daniel.

“I should be thinking of Henry.”

Justin looked up at Betty-as-Daniel and his mouth dropped open a little bit.

“Uhh.. Henry…etta. Henrietta, was my first love. Um, fifth grade. I was gaga over him. Er.. her.”

Justin wrapped a few presents silently, not looking up at her.

Betty frowned, watching as he made the ribbon around the package look like something out of a photo shoot. “So, yes. To answer your question, I have been in love. But the thing about being in love… is it’s different. Sometimes, it just burns. You think about them constantly and when you see them… well. There’s a little jolt of electricity or recognition and your heart and your stomach seem to flip places.”

Justin looked up, a faint blush on his cheeks.

“And then there’s when you can do something for them. Something kind, or just something they need. And you feel so useful, like you had existed only to help them out of whatever situation they needed help with. It could be anything from… uh… holding their books in class to getting them coffee in the morning. But… Justin… it’s even more amazing when that person reciprocates and you get to feel special, or take them for granted… or whatever. As long as they’re there with you, you feel happy."

“What if… you’re not sure what people will think about them?”

Betty sighed, noticing the gender-neutral pronouns. “Well, I would say that it doesn’t matter whatever anyone thinks about them. That if you’re in love you should do anything you can do to keep it. But sometimes, you have to be realistic. If you really think that being in a relationship would hurt one of you, or your family, or whomever… then that is something to think about. I would discuss it with your mom, or your Aunt.. or your Grandpa. You are loved by a lot of people Justin, and I can’t imagine any of them not loving anyone you chose to give your heart to.”

They wrapped presents in silence for a few minutes.

When Justin spoke, it was almost indiscernible. “What if… what if the person that I love… isn’t exactly a... um... a girl?” He darted a quick look up at Daniel’s face as if to gauge what effect his words would have.

There was a knock on the door.

“Hey, Beh.. er.. Daniel? Justin? I need you!” Betty heard her voice as Daniel-as-Betty knocked on the door.

“Just a minute!” Both she and Justin hollered back at the same time.

* * *

* * *

 

**Daniel**

Daniel was having a rough time. Being put in any emotional situation always seemed to throw him for a loop. Being put in an emotional situation at Casa de Suarez was highly entertaining. In an emotional way. At least until he started a conversation with Mr. Suarez. First of all, Betty had never told him that her father was really a little tiny Jewish yenta.

How could he have missed this?!

“You’re so thin! Living in the city makes you not eat? What, is that some kind of job requirement that Daniel has instigated? Is Amanda eating all your food again? Honey, you have to have a cheese puff. Or a little  _taquito_. I have been cooking for forever, so excited that you were coming by! Here… here you can put those under the tree. We’ll do presents after we eat this year. You’re so thin! How you gonna find a husband, you’re so thin?”

 _Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a…_ Daniel’s inner Broadway cut off unexpectedly as he thought of Betty with a husband. He was surprised by the hot surge of anger that caused his stomach to cramp. He was surprised that Betty’s eyes didn’t turn green.

Then Daniel spent a few minutes in shock, not believing where his thoughts had left him. He tuned out Ignacio as he babbled on about his job and some neighbors, nodding and smiling at varying intervals, but not really listening.

As weird as today had been, (and believe you me seeing how freaking filthy the women’s bathrooms at the mall  _really_ were had been weird beyond belief- if Daniel ever saw another Tampax commercial he might need therapy!) it had been kind of cool to spend the day with Betty. And, he could admit that aside from the random strangeness of the morning, most of his feelings from earlier had stemmed from embarrassment. It figured that out of all the women in the world he had ever known, it would be Betty that he switched bodies with.

God, even thinking that statement made his brain hurt.

He and Betty had been rather snippy with each other over the day, but there had been some moments while she was helping him shop that they had seemed to be in sync. Happy, even. Being in different bodies had seemed really funny when Betty had held up a dress to his body, causing an elderly woman to shake her head and purse her lips, muttering something under her breath about cross-dressers. They had looked at each other and laughed like loons. Betty-as-Daniel had put it away once she saw the price, and Daniel-as-Betty had managed to snatch it up and get it gift-wrapped before she got back from finding ‘just one more thing’ for Hilda.

Plus, he had a sneaking suspicion that he was the reason that they hadn’t been able to get out of this mess any earlier. Believing in Santa Claus, and the Miracle of Christmas, and all that bunk was just ridiculous. Christmas in the Meade family had been all about him and Alex competing to see who could get the biggest pile of expensive stuff, and saving up your allowance to buy Mother a nice gift to distract her from the way Dad wasn’t there, and … well… stuff like that.

Daniel still remembered his first Christmas at the Suarezes. It was one of his best memories, all the crazy events of that day notwithstanding. And he wanted the day to be special… he wanted… wanted…

“—Jesse. I can just give him a call if you want. You know, to make your day complete!” Ignacio broke off his babbling tirade and smiled at his daughter.

Daniel-as-Betty fought the urge to bite something. So Papa Suarez thought that _Jesse_ guy was right to spend Christmas with his daughter? Did he even know him? Daniel thought furiously. Since the night of that party, Betty hadn’t really mentioned him, or The Crying Incident or really much about that night, other than her shuddering over Wilhelmina trying to bond with her on the roof or something. And he, trying to be tactful didn’t mention Jesse either, no cutsie wootsy comments or anything that would remind her of what a turd he was. But a younger, much more accessible tu—er… person that she seemed to have a thing for.

“Uh, no. That’s okay. I’m happy with Daniel here.” He said it as calmly as he could imagine, wishing pitifully that it was true… that Betty would really want him here for himself. Romantically. As much as he wanted her….. Romantically.

_Oh. My. God._

“Betty? Sweetie? Is there something the matter? I was just going to go check on dinner. Do you need me to get you water or something?”

Daniel heard Betty’s father’s voice as if through some long tunnel.

Betty. He wanted…. He was completely in … oh no. Oh nonononono. This was a disaster. A nightmare. Someone’s fiendish plot twist. He couldn’t be in love with Betty. She was completely out of his league. She wasn’t shallow, or horrible, or mercenary…. In short he was quite certain she would have nothing whatsoever to do with… someone like him.

He had to talk to her. He had to … to…

The doorbell rang.

Oh god. His  _mother!_

Ignacio hollered for Hilda to get the door while he got something for Betty. Daniel just sat on the couch, trying not to move with some vague belief that if he just could keep completely quiet then he could go back to sleep and all of this would be over. No Betty’s body, no mother at the Suarezes… (she had an alarming tendency to flirt with Ignacio) and no live-alternating realizations of love. Simple. Better for everyone, really.

“Betty! Hello.” Claire swept in with her customary elegance and Channel.

Betty. She called him Betty. Oh Jesus. This was going to be interesting.

“Um. Hello Cl.. er.. Mrs. Meade.” Did Betty call her Claire or Mrs. Meade? Mz….? AHHHHHH!!! Too confusing! Why didn’t he notice all of these damn things while they were going on? Where the hell was he when Betty was speaking??

“I’ll just set these over there then.” Claire had a few wrapped gifts. Hilda came in behind her and offered her something to drink. She and Ignacio came back about the same time, too quickly for Claire and Daniel-as-Betty to start up an actual conversation- for which he was extremely grateful. His mind was whirling. Conversation with his mother was difficult at the best of times, but trying to be Betty having a conversation with his mother was too exhausting. It made him nervous. He put one hand on his stomach and sat back against the couch.

Hilda looked over at her little sister. “Aww, Betty. I hope you’re not coming down with something! Are you nauseous?” Come to think of it, he was.

“Yeah. I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach.” Because I woke up with breasts and a vag.. er… Daniel stuffed that thought waaaaay down in the recesses of his brain. Thinking that way was baaad.

Therein lies madness.

Claire tilted her head to the left. “Nausea? In the morning? Are you pregnant?”

You could have heard a pin drop so silent were the people in the small living room.

“Don’t be silly Mo… Claire. I felt sick since I woke up with Daniel this morning.”

Ignacio turned a rather alarming shade of puce. “Woke up… with… Daniel?”

If Daniel could have thudded his head on the floor he would have.

“Ahh.. uh.. gee. Speaking of Daniel, I better go see where he is!!!” Daniel-as-Betty got up as soon as he could and practically  _sprinted_ up the stairs.

* * *

* * *

 

**Betty**

Betty opened the door when Daniel pounded on it again. The fixtures shook a little in their casings.

“WHAT!” Daniel’s voice came out a lot louder than hers would have. It startled her enough that she forced a smile when she pulled the door open. It banged against the doorframe. Erm.. that had been happening all day too. Daniel was pretty strong under all those suits. She stalked back to the bed to try and shield the gifts from Daniel’s bright, bespectacled gaze.

“Aunt Betty?” Justin dived across the presents. “Get out! Have you no shame you  _brazen_ present hussy! Go! Shoo! Begone! I’ll wrap the rest, Daniel.”

Betty-as-Daniel and Daniel-as-Betty both looked fondly at the teenager.

Betty-as-Daniel ruffled Justin’s hair, pointedly ignoring the glare of death she received. “We’ll talk later, okay?” She tried not to sound like a worried auntie.

Justin nodded and smiled. It wasn’t his usual affectionate flash of teeth, but rather a somewhat pouty you-messed-up-my- _hair!_  Smile of dismissal.

Betty-as-Daniel left the room with Daniel-as-Betty. They walked into the kitchen and out the back door onto the porch. As she walked, the words on the scroll seemed to blare at her.

_Now hurry children, decide on what you wish to be…._

What if the problem was she hadn’t made the right wish? What exactly did she wish? What did she want? “Daniel?” She whispered. “I really need to talk to you.” She tried to ignore how much his lowered voice sent shivers down her spine.

Talk about auto-eroticism.

It was a little disconcerting to notice how well they seemed to fit together. She looked down just a little, he looked up just a little….

It was too cold outside to hear crickets, and the T-Bird that zoomed by throwing slush into the postage-stamp yard just didn’t have the same effect.

She cleared her throat and stopped looking down at her own upturned face. It was so strange. Like, her eyes were seeing her own plain, brown eyes, but her brain was seeing Daniel’s blue eyes instead. She could see him in herself, and it was strange as hell.

“Justin just sort of came out to you. Kind of. He’s really confused.” If Betty had had any confusion about loving the person in front of her, it all fled when she saw his reaction. She repeated the conversation that Justin had had with her…. Noticing that Daniel looked flattered and proud that Justin had wanted to tell him. When she said as much, he looked rather shy.

“Well, Justin is a good kid. I can try to advise him. I’ve been around the block a time or two.”

“Or three. Possibly four if you believe the  _Times_.” She grinned down at him.

Daniel grinned back up at her. “Oh, by the way. I think that my mother and your family all thing that I knocked you up.”

Betty-as-Daniel took a large step back and slipped on the ice, falling back onto her back onto the frozen concrete. Daniel reached out to try to catch her, but slipped in the low-healed pumps and fell on top of her.

Her breath left her in a wooosh. Maybe she should skip the donuts in the morning. _Eeeesh_. 

They both sort of froze while certain parts of their anatomy introduced themselves to each other.

She felt dizzy. “P-pregnant?” She gasped out the word, her breath still taking its sweet time coming back into her lungs.

“Yeah. Interesting night, don’t you think?”

 _That was for sure_. Daniel-as-Betty was speaking. Betty-as-Daniel tried to focus, but it was difficult.

Hard, one might say.  _Please get me out of this body. I would be happy with a squirrel or a cat or even a slug… just anything except this body. I feel like I’m turning into some kind of sophomoric perverted…_ _ **man**_.

“I… I think it’s my fault about the wish. I don’t think I had my priorities straight.”

“Oh?” Betty-as-Daniel’s voice was still a little wheezy.

“Yeah. Plus, I think I realized something….” Daniel-as-Betty's… well  _her_ …. Lips drew a little closer to his.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. “I wish that…. That you were happy. That you could find someone that … that… makes you as happy as you make me.”

_Oh. Oh, my._

“Funny you should say that.” Betty-as-Daniel tilted her head just a little. “I wish that… that…”

Their lips met, just a whisper of touch, of warmth in the frigid night air. Betty felt her eyelids drift shut as Daniel shifted. And sprung back open in shock as she realized that he shifted  _under_  her.....

***

Mrs. Claus clapped her hands as the couple on the ground kissed. And kissed. She just loved happy endings. How sweet of old Nick to set this up for her. Those mortals though. She shook her head. You just about had to do everything to get them to pay attention. Good thing that the Mortalview 3000 had subtitles, or she never would have been able to follow all that inner angsty dialogue.

“Well?” Santa sounded a trifle impatient. Which made sense, considering the erm.. somewhat coldness of their last few weeks together. “Sorry to rush you darling, but it is sort of my big night. Things to do, you know?”

Her hand reached out to touch his.

Just a touch.

But it said it all.

Santa’s step was rather more jolly than usual as he hopped into his sled.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N! Well, there you have it. My first attempt at crackfic. I had to keep cutting out scenes because I kept wanting to turn this into a longer story!! AHHHH!! Lol.
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for reading!
> 
> Hope you had a lovely Holiday!


End file.
